Friday, November 28, 2014

As the driven snow.

I am continuing my long read of a short book "Purity is Possible:How to Live Free of the Fantasy Trap" by Helene Thorne. It seems like purity is such a simple cut and dried subject but it is not.  The author shows great sensitivity and bravery in pointing out an often underestimated or overlooked problem that taints the minds and hearts of so many women.

I appreciated the talk about what a real beautiful life looks like (vs. how media like Cosmo portrays it). I have a friend who wants to jumpstart a long fantasized, dreamed of and longed for life...and has recently moved into a relationship that is far from any of what they wanted....and it seems that one wrong choice is going to stick with them and result in a pretty unhappy marriage. Another friend might as well be married to their fantasies and the sex toys, erotica books, etc. bought to feel adequate. I have no idea how to help either friend other than to pray and to model the way one should act when it comes to relationships/purity/sexuality. I am not judging either friend....just pretty bummed out about the situations, feel they could be doing so much more if only they could see the right timing and worried that we will lose at least one of these friendships.
(Henceforth, they will be known as Stubborn Boy and Plastic Girl here on my blog....and hopefully they earn new pseudonyms. Looking back on my writing, I see that Plastic Girl is a very bold allusion to some of my friend's addictions....but I am sticking with it because someone needs to discuss things such as this boldly.)
---I am starting a regular feature here on this blog called "Being the Woman that Cosmo Wants Me to Be?" To make it easy on myself, I will discuss anything that is brought up in Cosmo's Facebook posts.

Fantasy vs. reality....otherwise known as policing your thoughts. It is amazing how deep this facet of maintaining purity can extend. Honestly, I think most of us engage in some form of escapism when our minds wander but, as the book points out, it is not always about someone else. Visualizing your partner as someone other than who they are, often based on some stereotype, does one's real life no good.
---Frankness: The book did not mention this but I think this also extends to how one thinks about past relationships that did not end badly. Widows/widowers who have remarried would find their current relationships and feeling about their spouse better if certain memories and "what ifs" were avoided.

Thorne truthfully points out that our hearts are idol factories. It is a constant battle not to put some longed for experience or way of life in a wrong place in our hearts. There are those who long to be in a relationship when single-ness at this point in time might be just the right thing for them. There are missteps because people want to either experience sexual relations or have their sexual relationship be some other way. And then there is a myriad of things that people do to keep from being hurt again. We all need to honestly figure out any feelings like this that our threatening to take over our lives and figure out the right things to do for the situation.
---The book did not go as much into what action plans should be implemented as I wish it had been able to. These are the kind of problems that take a lot of self-work and resolve. Mayhaps these issues should make some private New Year's Resolution lists. (Chapter 7, "Purity" is a good start....telling what "clothes" to take off and put on.)

So, that Beautiful Life mentioned at the beginning is one of liberty, intimacy and feeling God's love at all points of the journey.

I received this book via Cross-Focused Reviews and The Good Book Company. :-)
My copy will be donated to "Project Barbara's Rainbow" and gifted to whomever finds it at AudioFeed Music Festival (July 2015).

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